Beijing- Day 1

It's extremely disorienting to wake up in a different time zone. I was totally confused when I woke up in my hotel room. I frantically ran down to the reception desk in housecoat and slippers asking, "Where am I? What year is this? Why does everyone look like Pat Kim Chiaw???" I soon got my answer. I was in beijing for some reason. It took me a while to get used to the idea.

Back in my room I discovered little coupons for free breakfast on the second floor. I went to the dining hall and was received by many, MANY Asian people. This is the first thing I would learn about China. People are often paid just to stand around. It gets funny after a while. One person says thank you, takes my ticket and makes a broad gesture with her arm, indicating that I should take all I want. Naturally I stacked my plate with bacon, ham and anything else that might have been produced from a dead pig. Eggs, dumplings, croissant... I really ate like a pig and of the pig the first few days. But take it from a Canadian, you don't want to taste what the Chinese call maple syrup. It's quite disgusting.

So, before leaving I had made arrangements with a company to have a driver and a tour guide in each city. This is good cuz I really can't speak Chinese. Zany adventures ensued when I tried to take a taxi on my own (coming soon!). Anyway, my posse in Beijing was the charming Gloria and the grumpy Mr. Liu. It was really uncomfortable to have them open the door for me to let me in the backseat.

After this, Mr. Liu would go careening down the streets and highways, usually wearing some badass sunglasses, while Gloria gave me a Chinese history lesson from the passenger seat.



You know what I love about driving in China? Absolutely nothing. Mr. Liu's a good guy and everything, but wow... He's dangerous. I don't think they have any kind of ... rules... They just go and make crazy stops at the last minute. Mr. Liu of all my driver's had a hilarious habit of honking his horn for no reason. When he would pass to the left of a car, he'd blare his horn. If someone was in front of him, behind him... adjacent to him in any way, it was grounds to honk his horn screaming the Chinese equivalent of, "KING KONG AIN'T GOT S**T ON ME!!!!" But what's even more frustrating, is even in this land of crazy driving, it is considered offensive to put on your seat belt!!! Go figure!

And that was a typical day. Day 1 in Beijing I went to Tianamen Square to Visit the Forbidden city. What's the Forbidden city you may ask? Well, to be specific... It's where the Emperor did stuff. Talked to people, flossed the finest concubines medieval China had to offer... etc... And that's pretty much all you have to know about Chinese history to appreciate these buildings. The Emperor used money to build big beautiful statues and halls, fund the army and what not for himself, rather than feed his starving people. I guess they were republican. Nyarrr... That's good political commentary! Or is it?

No... :-(

Here are some pics





One of those buildings was called the Hall of Supreme Harmony. I can't remember which one, but that's as much information as you'll get from this blog!!

I had famous peking duck for supper! Duck is some greasy s**t! But it's also some delicious s**t! They have a picture of the famous people who have eaten at this restaurant. Yasser Arafat... Some other guys... And now me!




And finally, I went to the incredible Peking Opera. It's not what I expected. Everybody was Kung Fu fighting! And the main character was this woman with swords, and she was doing sommersaults and deflecting many spears being hurled at her! Some dude was breathing fire!!! Crazy go nuts!!!





Now to keep you all tuned into this fly blog. I'm going to end each post on a cliffhanger.

So after the peking opera, I went back to the hotel room.... I saw something in my bed that I had never seen before...

to be continued...